You know how it be, its another Thursday, Enjoy Lorraine unhinged. This is the lasted post of Lorraine ranting about life’s injustices. If you’re new here, there are 4 other posts before this one, start there to get context. Anyways, happy reading darlings, and also, dont forget to like, share and subscribe💙

As the exchange is happening, obviously I had to move away from Aiden at this point -business comes first- the guys that had surrounded me at first were now breathing on me, so it seemed. Now, in South Africa, be biggest plague in our societies is gender based violence, needless to say, GBV is the symptom, not the cause, GBV is the milky white pus that oozes from the wounds of the women and children in our society, but the virus, the bacteria; its misogyny, entitlement and bad parenting. Little innocent boys are grown to be bitter, angry, impulsive, passive aggressive, maniacal men, while little girls are trained, brainwashed essentially, to be obedient and submissive, understanding and accepting to such vile behavior, so we have a society of broken women and invasive men. Our precious little boys are taught that they are owed virginity but you need to be a hoe nigga to satisfy a woman, because how will you meet her sexual desires if you’ve never learnt how to have sex to begin with? So essentially, the lesson here is men need to be sexual beasts, they need to be experienced, sleep around, trial and error and women, well, we just need to be sexual dunder heads. Our boys are taught that a man has to work and bring home the bacon and woman need to cook the bacon, oh yeah, and pop babies to eat the bloody bacon. As much as we claim to be a liberated generation, woke and shit, the ones that don’t conform, the feminists, the 50/50 generation, we still see these recurring snippets of misogyny, a lady will still wear her beautiful short dress, full face of make up and hair, hit the bar and expect a man to come up to their table and buy them a drink. She will sit there in her femininity, beautiful young lady, and scout, hunt for a man that will send a bottle to their table. A man at the bar, drowning his wife’s screams in his head with bottomless tap beer will spot this lady sitting there like prey and will approach, this isn’t the wife, this lady will not scream at him, she wont ask him about the damp undies he left in the corner behind the bathroom door, this lady will not ask him why he brought home the wrong expensive milk and the cheap 1 ply toilet paper after she had specifically told him the brand, this lady will not scream at him for leaving the toilet seat up for the hundredth time this week. This lady is his trophy, after a long day being belittled by his high white boss from snorting cocaine all day and playing golf in the scorching heat demanding targets he himself wouldnt reach in the ridiculous time he is wanting. This lady is a doll, a reward, just waiting for him to collect and play with, so he will approach creepily, and buy her a drink, and another and another and soon, these glasses amount to a bottle, and another and a 6 pack on the side, he has just spent his time, which is a huge commodity if you ask me but he has also spent some of that bacon money, in his twisted little head, something must give, he needs some sort of payment, a ‘thank you’, it is owed to him, so he demands it, the toxic masculinity fills the air like a bad fart in a classroom on a hot day. He provided and now, he demands payment, sure he didn’t ‘bring home your bacon’, but you did just drink his time, his money and his peace because essentially, the wife will scream when he gets home that he spent money but he didnt bring home the bread he was supposed to, now what the hell will the children eat for lunch tomorrow at school? The wife will also scream about the time he got home at smelling like underboob sweat and cheap wine, thus taking away his peace, now our little dolled up lady needs to pay.
Gosh that took an unexpected turn, where was I? Oh yeah. As Aiden was finishing up his transaction, he turns to see these niggas are harassing me and has this little panicked but angry look and tells these guys to leave, they oblige and I’m finally free from the entitled clutches of egotistical idiots. He gives me that I’m sorry face and says “I’m sooo sorry about that, lemme me walk you to your car” I smile at him and say “you coulda done better with your hug, that was a dud” “I’ll do better next time, I promise you’ll get the best hug of your life, here, lemme be a gentleman and open the car door for you”. I smirk and he does exactly that and says “do you want me to reach in and put on your seatbelt as well? I wanna make sure you’re safe”. I smile, gesture that it’s really not necessary, he gets the cue, steps away from the door, closes and goes back to his spot, I start the engine, roll down my window, say my goodbyes and drive off.

******
Adam and I were friends for the first 2 months of us meeting, he was a great guy but clearly caroline was smitten and and I didnt really like fair skinned guys so I just didnt show any interest, but the more we spoke, I developed a fatal attraction, he was not only gorgeous and chiseled but he was genuinely a lamb, one that suffers with incredible anger issues that desperately needed therapy but a lamb none the less. He was sweet and thoughtful, understanding and caring, a gentleman at his best and a weirdo at his worst, he was mindful and playful, sensitive but abit deranged but I loved him, I told him regularly that I did, he was too conserved at first to say it because of ‘past relationship trauma’ as he would put it but I dont think it was that, it wasn’t because he was too scared that I’d hurt him but it’s because he wasnt sure, he wasnt sure he wants to be in a relationship with a weird short nerd who carried the dorkiest backpack, had the weirdest friends and never wore make up or wings. I wasnt his typical girlfriend, well, I was nothing like what he would normally go for, I wouldn’t be of benefit to him, I was young, I didnt work, I didnt have that supermodel look to pair up with his super chiseled Forbes God look and I definitely was born from money. We arranged to meet up, I had a my driver’s ed lesson in the morning and a free afternoon and he had an off day from work, we communicated a meeting spot which was a Macdonald’s on Commercial, now to put things into perspective, in this town we have a handful of Macdonald’s but this I’m referring to is the most popular, its central and accessible, one of the first Macdonald’s and everyone knows it. I tell him that’s where I’d be and he agreed, he seemed to understand where I was saying I would be.
I walk in and order a MacFizz, made my way to the far end of the restaurant and sat down with a book, I sent him a text informing him that I was waiting for him and he answered and said he’d show up in a couple of minutes…

Noms💙

Hey guys, I promised a double bill today, well, here’s the next installation. Enjoy 💙

…

Family is such a strange entity, this is a group of people, strangers essentially that you’re placed to exist with, play the game with and win the game with, the twist is, you dont get to choose these people, you’re forced to live with these strangers to love them no matter what and accommodate them in this fictional existence. These are people that are always there through thick and thin, you fight some of them, hate some of them, disown some, backstab some, betray some, use some and abuse some but they are always there, available, aware of you, your pitiful existence, suffocating you, needing you but mostly, loving you. Family is like a life policy or funeral cover, its unavoidable, it takes money away from you regularly, you have to maintain it, never miss a monthly payment, it’s annoying because you dont really understand why you need to pay for it your entire life but you do because you understand its importance, but then one day, when something bad happens and you have no other option, when a death occurs, you can cash in on all those investments.

*******
Patience is a virtue for you and being patient is a privilege to someone else. Understanding this has put a multitude of things into perspective for me, in fact it has reinforced the importance of empathy and not just sympathy. “Hey, didn’t think you’d show up today, thought you were too busy.” This nigga is so modest, its sickening. “Yeah, I thought I wouldn’t make it either but here I am, what had you missed me?, 2 bankies please”. I failed to mention my crush isnt a very squeaky clean gent, he dabbles in a bit of illegal practice but his allure is in his mystery, you know, typical American bad boy vibes, first of, I’m never one to judge, Jesus loves his people every which way they are, mine is to be accepting and accommodating. Plus, infiltrating the Job market in South Africa is near damn impossible, without a corrupt uncle or stacks of cash just laying around, you shit bullets for a job, also, Aiden keeps us medicated, calm and sane, his existence, his hustle, his ways, very necessary if you ask me. As I’m standing there, waiting two guys approach, they surround me, this makes me alittle uncomfortable and Aiden notices this, he pull me aside “Lorry, come this side and let the gentlemen through” whilst the pulling is happening, I trip and kinda fall into his arms, he’s not a big man but he’s not tiny as well, he is tall though and he caught me -nothing in this world is as awkward as falling into someone’s arms, establishing and maintaining eye contact, feeling the tension and having reality snap you back into the real world. “Oh damn, I’m sorry, I didnt trample you didnt I?” Aiden answers no and says “instead of worrying about that, give me a hug” I was already in his arms so I peeled away hoping to readjust myself for a hug but the universe just had to fucks with me, I tripped again and Aiden had to catch me again, now I promise I’m not clumsy I just dont know what happened on this specific day, which the falling and catching was happening these supposed gents were asking something only he could answer so he was multitasking, me on the one hand literally and his dealings on the other, chaos ensued and… Mother of Mary save me.

*******
Hannah is literally a life line for me, and she has the worlds best boyfriend Gabriel. They will video call me just to listen to me ramble on about how unfair this life is. Today is no different, they called to check on me, how was the coveted entry into the new year, to be completely honest, I miss my dead offspring today and I cant help but cry. I find it incredibly insane, you know, missing someone you’ve never met, never had, someone you’ve never seen, someone that was never yours to keep. I guess I loved my ex so much and I knew that he was slipping away so I treasured my Sunshine, she wouldve been a piece of him that was exclusively mine, a piece of himself that I could love forever, a piece of himself he could never take away from me, something he could never gaslight and manipulate into hating me because little Sunshine would be mine, and also she would love me back without hindrance, I would keep my ex in our daughter and I would suffocate her with love, take care of her and do everything I would have wanted to do for him through her. Hindsight is always 2020 and I realize now that having my baby just for those reasons was abit toxic and could have been detrimental to my little Sunshine but I was insane back then, obsessed essentially and losing her was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me, it killed me, pieces of me died, I died with my baby and my relationship with Adam died with her too.

*******
“Dameron isn’t my real name, my mother named me Adam, I don’t like the name so I created Dameron, he is everything I’d want to be, Dameron is confident, he has it all, the charisma, the looks, the groove, he is safe, Dameron was able to talk to you, where as Adam is everything Dameron is not, without Dameron, we wouldn’t be here today, I love you Lorry, all of Me, Dameron and Adam and the other 23 people that live in my head, we love you Lorraine”…

Adam is his real name, he isnt coloured either, he is just another entitled, misogynistic, egotistical, crazy Zulu man. I met him 5 years ago, when I first met him he was picture perfect, I just didnt notice at first that the frame was abit scew. Let me start from the beginning, I was mesmerized when I first met him, sure, he is a gorgeous man, what I failed to mention was that, just like the beautiful suits and crisp white shirts, it was all a facade.
“Ladies, you’re back again, still havent found anything better?” Caroline is abit forward so she springs into action and says “we’re still looking but today we came here to check on you.” “Where is my ice cream? You ladies bought Ice cream and didnt think of me? How?” I roll my eyes and he looks at me and says “you look very nice today Lorry. Look, I found the phone Carry wants but it’s in another branch, I’ll get it transferred here if you guys want it, take my number and contact me after you’ve come to a decision about what you want to do” Caroline pulls out her contraption and attempts to dial his number on it and Dame pulls a face, and says “woah, what the hell is that?” A laugh escapes his mouth and continues “does that thing even tell the correct time?” Caroline blushes with embarrassment and says it does but Dame’s demeanor shuts her up for the rest of the afternoon, it’s clear that she really likes him but he is far from interested. “Lorry, where is your phone? Maybe we can communicate and you let me know what your mom says about the purchase… have you taken a look at yourself in the mirror today? Come through, follow me.” He grabs my hands and leads me to this big mirror in the middle of the shop, he tells me to stand in front of it and says “damn woman, you’re gorgeous”. I’m wearing a light beige loose fit shirt, a pair of tight fitting blue jeans, they accentuate my big ass and craveses my thick hips, kissing my thighs and highlighting my legs, I’m a big girl, chocolate complexion, curves, humps and bumps in all the right places. I’m just beautiful okay, let’s move on. The flirt then placed his hands on my figure and says “you’re so beautiful man”. I should’ve run the day he said that, thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes.

Noms❤

Good day perceptionists, I’m soo sorry this post is late, yesterday I had connectivity issues and Loadsheding didn’t make it any easier but we’re here now, and today you will get a double bill💙

Lorraine continues…

“What is going on between you and that Hector guy?” Bloody hell, I shouldn’t have taken this call, he is spewing utter shit. And, it’s too early in the morning for this. “Hector? What do you mean, I dont understand the question.” “I’m no idiot Lorraine, everyone has been telling me that you’re busy with Hector, I tried to ignore it but I cant, I just cant.” “Is this why you have been ignoring me Stephen, you dont take my calls, you dont get back to me, the whole festive season has been a shitshow and I really needed companionship, you disappeared Hodini style and when you reappear like the prodigal son, you ask me stupid questions about a person I dont even find remotely attractive? What is wrong with you?.” “Lorry, I’m sorry, I was just frustrated and…” I’m bloody boiling now, I dont even wait for the lie, “the fuck?” This nigga better get off his high horse of self-righteousness and stop playing victim in this whole situation, first of all we live worlds apart, literally, he has his person, the mother of his child, they are together and shit and he has the audacity to ask me, correction, to be mad at me for “being busy” with someone else, hell! Hector is not even someone I’d look twice at like that, sure we’re close, suspiciously so but to be busy? EWE! NO… never, even if I was paid money. “I cant believe you Steph, so you’ve been AWOL for days because you’re stewing in crap?”, “I’m really sorry Lorry, honestly, I just got mad when I saw yall together, he was holding your figure, he was being touchy feely and I didn’t like that, plus, when you saw us you hugged him first before hugging me, I got jealous, I’m really sorry”. “Thats what happens when you hug someone Stephen, people touch, bodies meet, touching of figures happen, it’s a hug. Bloody hell man Steph, next time before you make crazy allegations think! Jesus Christ!” I hang up the call cause I honestly dont have the energy to teach a grown man to use his thinking organ, it’s a waste of bloody time, they dont listen!.

*******
“How can I help you two beautiful ladies this afternoon?”, I’m with my Aunt Caroline, we’re looking for a cellphone for her, her’s is uhmm… ancient, it looks like something she stole from a time capsule box that was buried in the 1400s at a Neanderthal museum decades ago, it’s seriously old. “My name is Dameron, I’ll be your assistant today, anything specific you’re looking for?”. “Uhmm, no, not yet, we’re still looking, comparing if you may.” Dameron is captivating, like he just walked out of a Forbes magazine, he looks like a bloody God. His skin is milk smooth, very fair with thick pink lips and clean, starlike white eyes, illuminated by his hazel pupils, he has perfectly proportioned ears and big sharp canines, trim bushy eyebrows that incase his eyes in the most natural way, his smile morphs the shape of his face to this welcoming gaze, like he’s looking into my soul and when I look back at him I see all the beautiful things in the world, I allow myself to drift into his eyes and he allows me to get lost in the maze of his facial expressions as he invites me deeper into the wonderland of his stare. He is speaking, I cant really hear what his saying, I only take notice of the crescendos in his voice that play as background music to this exhibition of his being, I hear the vibrations in his laugh and like a bee navigates flowers as it moves the air in the surrounding area, his scent lifts off him to my nose, my nostrils tingle and it’s like I can almost taste the caramel hints in his cologne. I move my eyes from his down to his sharp tipped white boy nose, past his crescent mouth with big teeth, his chiselled chin, no facial hair by the way. At this point I’m exploding with excitement, I look down his neck, he has broad shoulders incased in the black blazer he’s wearing. Under the blazer, a crisp white shirt, buttoned up and held into place by a slim black tie. His chest is big and his arms are bigger, HE IS A GYM HEAD!!! His look is finished off by a pair of black pants, and black suede boots. He is clean, prim and proper, all complete with a fresh cut, and black studs on his earlobes. This man is drop dead gorgeous! I lose myself in his image, the stature, his voice, he sounds educated with a smooth easy accent, he is eloquently poised and he can articulate well, he speaks perfect English and he is confident in his speech. He looks coloured, his name sounds coloured… conclusion? He is coloured.

********
This headache will be the death of me, I cant even light a J, too much traffic. I havent thought about Adam in a long time, I miss Steph and I’m mid-argumennt with Nick but my crush, he is everything that is perfect with the world, he is concerned about me, something that hasnt happened in a while, he cares to ask me how I am, how’s the headaches, what can he do to help, I feel special, for the first time a long time, someone actually cares and they’re not afraid to show it, life has been a shitshow, the only constant is that seasons change and I still take 8 meds, twice a day. If you havent noticed, I’m kinda going through a hoe phase is what my friend Amanda calls it. “You need to go through it now Lorry, have fun now, cause one day you will be married and you will want to do all the hoeing that you wouldve missed on now, then. That isnt acceptable at any degree, we will be loyal wives, moral wives with high value and respect, we will love our husbands and protect them, we cant do that when we’re living our hoe phase in the marriage.” Abigail agrees, “yaaaassss biiitch!! Me? I have my main nigga and 2 sides, just for the entertainment of things, gatta keep the main on his feet!” She winks her eye and laughs out loud, “twinkle toes”, Amy laughs with her. “The fuck Abby?” I laugh… they might be right. Plus I deserve to be happy, to laugh, to be held, loved and cared for even if it comes from 5 different guys, 1 guy for each year I spent losing bits and pieces of myself with my ex. The guy excelled in destroying what fundamentally makes me, well… uhmm, me!

LORRY!! LORRY!! The screams get louder and lounder, I ignored it the first time, I’ll ignoring it again, attribute it to the ever-so-demonized wireless earphones that have saved my life more times than I care to admit.

I try to refocus on the crush I’m now fixated on, I’ve just awkwardly responded with the worst emoji, essentially killing whatever interest he might have garnered for me by my subtle advances, trying to figure out what to do next, I start recording a voice note, uh uhmm, I clear my throat and I pinch my vocal cords to adjust my voice to the highest pitch I can muster; “uhm, excuse me, I ramble, I know that I ramble especially when I’m… “. “Lorraine, I’ve been calling you, why are not replying, how many times have I told you about these ear things of yours, you dont listen, you never do! You people dont appreciate the hardwork I do in this house, and no one seems to care… blah blah blah blah…” Gosh, I’ll never hear the end of this, I wonder what’s it now, I remove the set and I realise the screaming is still happening” I roll my eyes louder than the sigh of exhaustion I make and she hears me. FUCK. She screams LOUDER and I think, Mary, girlfriend of Joseph. I need to get out of here before I kill someone.

*******
The pharmaceutical industry is one of the most well thought out scams ever created in history, it is a system that depends on killing people while keeping them alive long enough to make them Trillions of dollars, they infect our water with waste and spills, pollute the air with fumes and industrialization, all in the name of civilization and human development, a better tomorrow, a brighter future, bullshit. They contaminate our food with artificial fertilizers, pesticides and growth hormones all in the name of better nutrition, food security, better quality of the vitamins we so desperately need, again, utter shit. I’m thinking all of this sober minded, downing another 8 colorful prescribed meds. “You’re gonna need these for the rest of your life, they make you better, take the pain away, your life will be go back to normal. You’ll see” these words ring loud in my head, it’s my physician, I have recently been diagnosed with a rare chronic joint disease, knowing this shattered me, it means for the rest of my damaged existence I’ll depend on these tablets to keep me functional and obedient, it’ll keep my pockets dry and it will force me to conform to the scam that is morden medicine and health care. Dont get me wrong, I’m not shitting on the health care system, I mean humanity has thrived in terms of population numbers, the decrease in death rates and increase in birth rates, it has made it possible for people to have safe deliveries and also introduced the best thing under the sun in my opinion, contraception, but there is just something off, something sinister, something we are all blinded to with this industry. I’ve once thought about why such industries need so much money? Why is it so important for them to have so much power? So much that they kill people, humanity, destroy families and lives? Why? Is it to keep this illusion alive? To keep the simulation running? What is in those meds? Why are we such a weak society, why is there soo much wrong? What the hell is going on here?… bloody hell, I always seem to forget that I cant voice those opinions or I’ll get canceled, so, I just wear my biggest smile, be grateful and say ” atleast this way It’s better than being wheelchair bound for the rest of my days”. Consolation? No one makes it out alive, so we try anything to make our existence less miserable.

*******
I swear on God, this day just keep getting worse. My phone rings, it’s one of my best friends; “hey girl, have you checked the portal, have the marks been released?”, “uhmmm, no, I don’t know, the last time I checked was this morning and no, they hadnt been updated, I dont know TF is happening with school man and its driving everyone insane, myself included”. We continue the conversation and end it.
It’s been a long 5 years, between my crazy, vile, vicious Ex boyfriend, to my academics, Covid, lung infection, sciatica, the chronic illness, family, depression, Sunshine, adulting and every other stupid painful thing I have been scripted to go through. I’m fucking exhausted, everything is exhausting. Exhaustion. But, I’m finally over him, the gaslighting, manipulation, abuse and violence, its finally a chapter I can close, I can move on, I’m free.

My phone buzzes again, I think its him… it’s not. It’s another guy, we been tryna make something work, I mean the attraction is there, he is tall, dark and handsome. His chocolate skin towers over my voluptuous frame, he has big piercing red eyes from years of stress, drugs and booze, this life does that. But theres something about his eyes, a story, something telling and you can just see the struggle, the pain, masked. I’ve had to learn that, how to read people, deciphering what to take caution of, what is genuine and what is dangerous, the skill has elevated my anxiety tenfold, my paranoia has skyrocketed, but I’d rather deal with myself than the danger that lurks in this planet, the earth is bleeding pain, evil and crookedness but who am I to try and change that, all I can do is protect myself the best way I know how. Anyway, I look at the text “we need to talk, let’s talk tomorrow” bloody hell! This year is off to a horrible start, NYE was boring as fuck, the house was up in flames with arguments, fights, unnecessary tantrums and screaming. Blew my trading account, so no more income, my room still smells like a tavern because someone puked all over the floor after a drunken binge, mind you, I dont drink but I’m forced to tolerate shit cause I’m a good person, apparently, I still owe tuition so I wont get my results and now, my almost boyfriend is essentially breaking up with me and the relationship wasnt even real or at least hadnt begun…

My Ex’s bestfriend texts me… “Hey Beautiful, how have you been? Long time”….

A happy happy happy New Year Perceptionists 💙 I hope everyone is doing okay in this new year, yall are all happy and healthy, that you had a safe entry to the new year and are ready to take 2023 by storm.

So, I know last year I posted from a very emotional place and said I’ve never post again and to be quite honest, I was dead set on never posting again, but recently a friend of mine told me just how talented I am with words so I though I could write again, and I did.

I hope you guys will enjoy Lorraine, its abit different to what I have posted before, it’s not a storytime or a poem. I dont know what to describe it as. Please do let me know what you think about it, and as always, enjoy the read.

Lorraine

They say the truth is always stranger than fiction. I know that’s true because I live my truth daily but mostly I immerse myself in Science fiction, fantasy and dramatized true crime, where the truth is distorted and reality is bearable because for once, it’s not happening to me.

Hi, my name is Lorraine, I think I’m a borderline, dissociative schizophrenic with a narcissistic God complex. The past 5 years of my insignificant existence has been, well, interesting to say the most, and insanely fucked up at worst; but its too early to get into that for now. Today the cosmos were perfectly aligned to fuck me over or the Gods of the universe created my specific today to go Murphy’s law catastrophically horrible to meet an unforeseen end in the sky. Before I start ranting about deities and sky people, that’s definitely a conversation for another lifetime.

Everyone calls me Lorry, I’m sickly but not frail, sometimes I depend on people around me to help me out and sometimes I sit and weep bitterly, thinking why, out of all endless possibilities in the universe and beyond, why would I be dealt these cards? why this person? why am I who I am? why was this life chosen specifically for me? why this part of the world, this time in existence history and beyond? why this family, personality, view on things, experiences, emotions, this name, this being?. You have got to have thought about that before, at least once in your lifetime, the “Why” question. I mean, whatever you believe in, whether it’s a God or the universe, or if it’s a simulation and we have all been strategically placed, pawns, we have been made, meticulously so to fit into this space, this world, this creation and we have been given these carefully planned out characters, predetermined scripts and we have been puppeted by the higher ups who control this whole existence. We have been strategically placed for a reason, and the reason lies in the question “why?” One, we have been told over and over again, will be answered at death’s door, the strange thing that makes me think that all of this is a conspiracy, is that, no one ever reports back from death, yet billions bet their entire lives against a belief that an afterlife exists. I’ve always thought that this was a fad, a glimmer of hope given to us to consume, to illusion us into thinking that there’s an escape, a better existence, one of peace and extravagance, a holy 1000 years, something great, something beyond revelations.

Why? You ask yourself, why do I devote so much time thinking about such far fetched theories? Why must I depress myself, it will only perpetuate my self diagnosed mental issues. I just cant help myself, I always find myself in these thoughts after I self medicate, crush all of my hopes, dreams and aspirations into a carefully cut and sectioned piece of paper, and burn it to the stake forgetting all my worries and drifting into a world where, the air feels different, lighter and breathable, the music has alittle more meaning and the beats touch every atom of my being, where the cricket somewhere in the grass sounds a little louder but more chirpy, living it’s own little simulated existence, where the birds sing their tune and the bees buzz about dropping microparticles of the essence of beautiful flowers, pollinating their surroundings, ensuring our existence, our all important, incredible vast existence. While I zone out contemplating the true meaning of existence, my cellphone buzzes, it’s a WhatsApp message, it’s from this guy I’ve been crushing on… “Ehy yow, you’re smart and ur not rambling on I like to learn.” And I blush, I think about how I’m gonna reply, I want to sound as intelligent as I can cause he seems the type to like a smart woman, one that can think and defend her opinions, problem is, he has a girlfriend, so I dont want to overstep and seem disrespectful to that fact, like “argh, I dont care if he has his, I’m here to destroy and replace” its abit cringe and I’m not that girl. So I play it cool and I send the eekiest emoji for that context and I can tell that I have committed social suicide and there’s no coming back from this.

“LORRY! LORRY!”… argh, here we go again, cant I get a moment of peace in this place.

Noms💙

please dont forget to like, follow the page and please, please, please give me feedback💙💙💙

Hey perceptionists. I know it’s been a while but I’m back abit but I dont have great news, this will be the last blog under our little cozy home of PERCEPTION💙.

So, I have a 2 year old spiritual angel, she passed away in utero and her name is Siphosethu, I dont have alot I want to say but it’s with this post that I want to express my sincere gratefulness and appreciation for all the support you have given me, all the likes, the comments, the messages, all the shares and all the love. In the words of the amazing Ricky Rick, this land is my home. I will come back a better man.

Sunshine

To the love of my life, my little peanut, my sunshine.

I know I never got to hold you or kiss you but I know without a shadow of a doubt, I miss you and I love you, the distance between me, you and eternity is too great and the pain I feel is eternal and internal. I dont know how to dispel it or convert it or use, or dispose of it. It just keeps festering and building and multiplying and its explosive, sometimes I cant stand babies, pregnancies and life in general.
I wanted to raise you, praise you, teach you, love you, understand you, talk to you, feed you, clothe you, bathe you. But you left me, till this very day I dont know what took you my love and that will forever kill me inside, I dont know what I did wrong or how to fix it to get you back, I failed in every way possible and I let night fall on you my love and I dont know how many sorries I need to say or how loud I need to scream, shout, climb which mountain, I dont know what kind of tears I need to cry or the kind of prayer I need to pray or which bible verse I need to read. I dont know where i need to go, say what to whom, where or how to express just how sorry I am for being careless with you.
Everytime I think of you, piece of me drowns with the sorrow for your passing. The pain of remembering you makes me hate every breath I take that doesn’t worship your memory. Every obstacle, every hardship, every profanity doesnt amount to the hate this here heart holds for the womb that chose to detach from you. I hate the universe for ripping you away from me but I thank the God of our ancestors for keeping you an angel for me, he loved me and you enough to pluck you from this vile existence to plant you to blossom in our imaginated opinion of heaven, bless him.
I dont want to say I love you because that does not even begin to paint a mona lisa of how I really feel about you, there arent enough words, languages, present today or lost in history that could fill all the oceans of this universe to illustrate what my heart, in it’s small capacity, feels about you.
Words run dry when I think of you and no amount of tears can replenish the flow of my emotions towards you, language fails me. If you, my little cupcake, were here, I’d have a reason to fight another day, to push, to work, to sweat, to hold on, to press on, to keep going on, to soldier on but you are where I need to be, with you, mothering you, loving you. I can only imagine how beautiful you are, sun rays try to compete with that image but nothing ever seen with mortal eyes surpasses the picasso I paint you to be in my mind. My little love. My heart. My Sunshine.

Noms💙

Hello Perceptionists💙, it’s been forever since I’ve been here, it’s beena really rough year and I haven’t written since very early in 2021, it brings me great joy to be here again and sharing my work with you. Your likes, follows and comments give me the strength and the motivation to continue writing and posting like I am now. I’m truly getting better now and I believe I will stick around.

Anyway, here is my latest piece, in fact it’s an hour ago latest. Its called four four timing. Don’t forget to follow, like and Comment, I would love to interact with you… its been a while💙.

Four Four Timing

I became aware of the notes from the piano that used to play symphonies that appealed to the better part of what used to be my heart. The black and white that mimicked the assurance of right and wrong that used to be the melodies of the rules that governed our love.

I became aware of the notes from the piano that hid the noise of the violence of our treacherous betrayal, the dab of the notes remind me of the beautiful music that played the background of the fights that broke us. The music reflected our tyrannical nature trying to overcome, overpower and devour each other.

I became aware of the notes from the piano that we used to keep in the corner of our hearts where our love of Beethoven lives. It would be deceitful of me to say all the sounds of that piano aided with our demise. I remember enemies, foes and demons we vanquished with the same beautiful sounds of the grande piano that still plays symphonies in our hearts, sounds that stretch far beyond the pain and wretchedness.

I became aware of the notes from the piano that used to play symphonies that appealed to the better part of what used to be my heart. The black and white that mimicked the assurance of right and wrong that used to be the melodies of the rules that governed our love. The music that governed the heart that beat for you. The time signature that wrote your love away from this same heart, one that grew to hate the sounds that piano produced.

Noms❤

So as I was being poured down in a salon baptism on a very tiny sink, the salon itself was flooding, so we had to stop and at point I was kinda happy cause I got to call my mom and told her that I’m burning, I called Dee, told him what had happened and also my sister.

While I was doing this, there was chit chatter in the salon about how “I burnt myself” by jumping from my seat after feeling the steam on my neck and fox was the biggest advocate for this she wanted to draw the responsibility away from herself as much as possible. And at that point I didnt care I was burning but most importantly I was looking soo gooood… so as I was sitting there waiting for my mom, cause she had said she’ll come pick me up, I tried cracking jokes and making the atmosphere lighter cause now everyone was òn my case and tryna convince me the one burning that Its not that bad and that I’m burning myself…

So I sit back down on my chair in front of the mirror and I’m like “fox, let’s finish this up, I cant look horrible still and burn at the same time” if I have to suffer for beauty, I’m walking outa this bitch looking beautiful AF, so everyone laughs, she complies and we start untying the knots on the tios to let the curls free and booooyyy was I hot, it is everything I wanted, I was looking pretty goddamn yaaasss… half way through untying the knots my mom walks in frantic to find us laughing and joking around and somewhere in between I’m crying😭😂😂 so I spring outa my chair and I tell fox I’ll finish up on my own and I try to leave the door, she then says “I’m sorry you got burnt but doing your hair will cost you R300” I didnt even process what she was saying at the time and I dug into my bag and gave her the money and ran outa there.

As mom and I are driving to the Clinic, we realise we have no petrol (gas) in the car, so we drive to the nearest petrol station, we find it full and busy so we have to wait abit, after a little while we get directed into a bay and we start pouring right, so when it’s time to pay, mom presents her card and it declines, mind you, its boiling outside and my arm is volcanic and I can feel the heat from the sun interacting with my skin and it feels like the water and the sun are having a great date inside my bloody flesh and this card is fucking declining AYBOW WHAT THE FUKHI!! So I ended up taking out the cash from my stash and paying, knowing good and well that mom wont bring it back😥 fine, we pay and leave…

So now I’m at the clinic… now before I continue, I need to explain just how much I hate public health care but for burns, I highly recommend that specific clinic, they treated my first burn when I was a baby, and treated my sister’s burns about a year or 2 ago when I burnt her with a malfunctioning hot water bottle and now they’re tearing me now… okay cool, so I go in, and because of the Covivi, I’m not allowed to have anyone accompany my burnt ass, and I head to the administration desk, and here, theres no such thing as the ER, so I get there, and I wait for this bald ass lady and she has an attitude from here right up her ass, so get my card, which is such a long and complicated process, I get to the Blood pressure nurse who laughs at my story and sends me down to a over worked tired nurse at the verge of ending her shift agitated, hot, and tired she attends to my burns and starts to also laugh at the story, after she done she sends me straight to the dressing room to clean and bandage me up and there too, they laugh at me, but they say something incredibly profound, they say I shouldn’t have paid fox, that instead I should press charges…

So yeah Guys, that’s how I got burnt and this concludes the story of how she burnt me with boiling hot water on my shoulder… I hope you throughly enjoyed this story, please stay tuned as we will continue with weekday themed story times about my journey with the LOML😍❤

For now please like, share and subscribe to this blog… share with all your family and friends and enemies💙 and remember to always keep your PERCEPTION💙 of the world new💙 love y’all💙

Hey hey folks so a dear friend of my asked me to continue with the themed story times where we speak about my journey with Dee…

So I caved, welcome to welcome back Wednesday, where we will continue from Tune in Tuesday, if you dont remember where we ended up go read tune in Tuesday, catch up and come back here💙 we’ll wait for you…



Done?? Alright alright alright…

So, still standing on the side of the road, we contemplating on what to do and P is pretty sure continuing to my mom is a good so we gave in and continued walking, 2 mins in we gate to our gate, I tell him the take a deep breath and we walk in. We find dad and my sister sitting in the sitting room (or living room, whichever you prefer really) watching television, we greet and my dad proceeds to ask who is this you know, and Dee introduces himself they shake hands and we call mom from the bedroom while I pour some coke for Dee, not knowing that at the time he was on a diet and workout programme and he really couldn’t care less for fizzy drinks but because he’s a gentleman, he drank the beverage anyway, either that or because I brought it to him…

So we explain to my parents that this is the person we’ve been speaking about with regards to the phone P was looking for; blah blah blah… so mom, having Zero Boundaries, starts asking him personal questions, weird things like place of birth, age, and INTENTIONS 😭😭😩 I mean for that week, the intention was to watch a movie at the mall😭😭…
So after that awkward conversation, Dee said his goodbyes and we offered to walk him out, as we were walking, talking and laughing, P starts making moaning sounds, like full blown orgasmic sounds. Dee and I turn to look at her and she has her eyes closed, walking weirdly and moaning, it was the weirdest, creepiest, most sociopathic thing we’d ever seen (still haunts us today) and the all of a sudden she notices that we’re watching, she stops, snaps back into reality and laughed (we didnt get the joke😬).

So we get to the taxi stop, (all of this takes about 5 mins by the way) and it’s time for Dee to go and us to head back home. He complains about having a full bladder and I just tell him to wazz behind the shelter, so he does his business and comes back, we begin to say our goodbyes and he stops and says, have you guys ever had a 3 way kiss? Confused we both answers no, he laughs and says “it’s easy, all we gatta do is kiss each other in a chain typa way” excited to hear this P says “ayt let’s do it” Dee then explains how exactly this gonna happen, he says “P, you will Kiss Noms, and Noms, you will kiss me and that’s a 3 way kiss”.

When it finally Dawn’s on P what’s gonna happen she gets annoyed and she acts out and insist that I only kiss Dee cause that’s what we want anyway, she was just a rouse and was never really the target, so now I’m feeling bad and alittle awkward, so I tell her no it’s okay you kiss Dee and then me I really dont mind cause I dont like Dee and anway, and we went back and forth for about 2 mins until Dee grabbed my face, turned it towards his, and we stared at each other for what seemed to be forever and he gave me what has been the most passionate kiss of my life, all under starlight and the glaring accompaniment from the moon, it was perfect😭😭😭 he then peeled away from my lips and started walking away… completely shook, I stand there speechless for a moment and I shout bye Dee after him and he just picks up his arm and shows me a peace sign with his fingers and disappears into the dark😭😭…

This is gonna be it for today folks, stay tuned for Thirsty Thursday tomorrow for a continuation and also stay on here cause later I will drop a part 2 on the burn story with maybe pictures😊😊

Thank you soo much you amazing people for staying with me, liking, commenting and sharing 💙 it’s what motivates me to write and it feels good… continue to like, subscribe and share the link.

Noms❤

Good evening perceptionists 💙 I think it’s the first time I’ve done an evening story and I’ve been lazy with this one and everything else for a while, haven’t been very active but we’re back now and dont I have a story for you mannn…. we’re about to have some serious fun with this one😂😂💙

Dont forget to like, follow and subscribe💙

So many of you might know this, but if you dont, I’m not a girly girl, I have my moments and Saturday the 11th of December 2021 was one of those days of rather a moment in time which i probably might regret for all of my life😩😂… let’s get into the details of the day, but as always, I’ll start the story from the very beginning cause somehow this day coincidentally starts at the crack of dawn😭.

So alittle background here right, the black community holds December in a very high regard, one being the festive month and everyone gets up to nonsense and the other Christmas month where black parents, especially mothers make this big deal about the preparation for Jesus’ birthday, this entails doing crazy spring cleaning which by the way rarely gets done in spring😂😂 anyway due to this my mom had woken my sister and I at 04h45 to start cleaning, on this particular day she had set her eyes on the windows and curtains, we have roughly 9 windows in total in the house which is manageable at best, so by 07h30 your girl was done with those and that was when mom started drilling the idea of doing my hair that very same day, she gave me a list of reasons cause I didnt wanna do my hair then, I didnt even want to go to town, it was hot and humid and i just wanted to recover my sleep and laze after the cleaning but she pressed and I caved, so around 10h30 my sister and I got ready to go to town, she had mall plans but first she needed to do her nails at another salon with a nail tech, let’s call her mouse (loving animals lately, I’m not tryna degrade anyone🤭). But before we left, I called up the lady that normally plats my sister’s hair let’s call her bear, bear is amazing at her job😩 and I knew she would do the works baby girl yaaassss💃💃 so she’s like yeah, come through babe, I’m not busy right now so I’m like ayt bet I’ll be there in an hour and a half but because we’re girls we ended up leaving the house at 12h30 and got to town around 12h50, when we got to the salon we find bear busier than the busiest bee in the hive and now she has 3 other clients and because in this business appointments dont exist, I’m at this point the 4th person and the style I want will take up to 3 hours so this 4th person thing will not work at all, so I ask her to refer me to someone who she trusts, so she’s like ayt girl come through I gat you, she refers me to a lady we will call fox, we find her busy but she almost done and she has no one else waiting, so we exchange tens and she says I’ll call you as soon as I’m done cause between the heat outside and the bellowing heat from the hairdryers that place was a furnace 🔥🔥 so my sister and I left and we went to find her nail tech so when we found her the work began, I sat and watched them for about 30mins waiting for fox to call me , at about 13h30 she called and I went back to the salon and we started it was great, she’s friendly and talkative, we’re surrounded by other like minded ladies and we had an absolute blast, by 16h30 were we done with the first part of the style which is the actual platting, the second part entails curling the tips of the hair and we do this by soaking the hair in boiling water.

So after fox ties the tips of the hair to help it curl better and look cuter, she goes ahead the boil the water, while this is happening I’m on the phone with Dee, remember Dee?? yes, if you dont know Dee, check out my previous stories, but Dee is 😩😍😍🥰 yeah, go read the other stories. Anyway so I’m on the phone making plans with him and getting all excited cause I’m almost done with the hair and Dee is like ayt babes let’s meet, which is great, so fox comes up to my chair holding two kettles and a single towel, she proceeds to dip the hair and 2 seconds in her arm gets tired and she leans the kettle with boiling hot water against my back, mind you it’s hot and I’m wearing a light fitting dress, so as soon as this happens I tell her yow duuudee ngiyasha!! (I’m burning!!) So she quickly moves the kettle and apologizes fine, so the process goes well for about 5 mins until she asks me to tilt my head further towards the kettle so I do it, she puts up an argument that she needs to reach the hair on the front of my head so I obliged, it didnt even take 10 seconds and I felt a burning hot trickling sensation down my neck onto my shoulder and I jumped for dear Neptune, scream on top of my lungs with my big girl voice swing my upper body foward so that the hair (still hot) is dripping onto the floor in front of my face then the most chaotic dampest 10mins of my adult life, so they push me towards the water basin there for washing hair and they start hosing me down with cold water with towels all over literally water boarding me until I pushed everyone away from me with my one functional arm and I’m still burning on the other, the salon is flooded and everyone is on my bloody case and all I want is to get the rats ass outa there….

This story gets crazier I promise, we will continue this tomorrow, stay tuned, please please be a doll, be a cute cat and follow, like and share 💙💙💙

I will see you again tomorrow. Always remember to review your perception of the world💙 love y’all 💙