Lorraine

Hey guys, I promised a double bill today, well, here’s the next installation. Enjoy 💙

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Family is such a strange entity, this is a group of people, strangers essentially that you’re placed to exist with, play the game with and win the game with, the twist is, you dont get to choose these people, you’re forced to live with these strangers to love them no matter what and accommodate them in this fictional existence. These are people that are always there through thick and thin, you fight some of them, hate some of them, disown some, backstab some, betray some, use some and abuse some but they are always there, available, aware of you, your pitiful existence, suffocating you, needing you but mostly, loving you. Family is like a life policy or funeral cover, its unavoidable, it takes money away from you regularly, you have to maintain it, never miss a monthly payment, it’s annoying because you dont really understand why you need to pay for it your entire life but you do because you understand its importance, but then one day, when something bad happens and you have no other option, when a death occurs, you can cash in on all those investments.

*******
Patience is a virtue for you and being patient is a privilege to someone else. Understanding this has put a multitude of things into perspective for me, in fact it has reinforced the importance of empathy and not just sympathy. “Hey, didn’t think you’d show up today, thought you were too busy.” This nigga is so modest, its sickening. “Yeah, I thought I wouldn’t make it either but here I am, what had you missed me?, 2 bankies please”. I failed to mention my crush isnt a very squeaky clean gent, he dabbles in a bit of illegal practice but his allure is in his mystery, you know, typical American bad boy vibes, first of, I’m never one to judge, Jesus loves his people every which way they are, mine is to be accepting and accommodating. Plus, infiltrating the Job market in South Africa is near damn impossible, without a corrupt uncle or stacks of cash just laying around, you shit bullets for a job, also, Aiden keeps us medicated, calm and sane, his existence, his hustle, his ways, very necessary if you ask me. As I’m standing there, waiting two guys approach, they surround me, this makes me alittle uncomfortable and Aiden notices this, he pull me aside “Lorry, come this side and let the gentlemen through” whilst the pulling is happening, I trip and kinda fall into his arms, he’s not a big man but he’s not tiny as well, he is tall though and he caught me -nothing in this world is as awkward as falling into someone’s arms, establishing and maintaining eye contact, feeling the tension and having reality snap you back into the real world. “Oh damn, I’m sorry, I didnt trample you didnt I?” Aiden answers no and says “instead of worrying about that, give me a hug” I was already in his arms so I peeled away hoping to readjust myself for a hug but the universe just had to fucks with me, I tripped again and Aiden had to catch me again, now I promise I’m not clumsy I just dont know what happened on this specific day, which the falling and catching was happening these supposed gents were asking something only he could answer so he was multitasking, me on the one hand literally and his dealings on the other, chaos ensued and… Mother of Mary save me.

*******
Hannah is literally a life line for me, and she has the worlds best boyfriend Gabriel. They will video call me just to listen to me ramble on about how unfair this life is. Today is no different, they called to check on me, how was the coveted entry into the new year, to be completely honest, I miss my dead offspring today and I cant help but cry. I find it incredibly insane, you know, missing someone you’ve never met, never had, someone you’ve never seen, someone that was never yours to keep. I guess I loved my ex so much and I knew that he was slipping away so I treasured my Sunshine, she wouldve been a piece of him that was exclusively mine, a piece of himself that I could love forever, a piece of himself he could never take away from me, something he could never gaslight and manipulate into hating me because little Sunshine would be mine, and also she would love me back without hindrance, I would keep my ex in our daughter and I would suffocate her with love, take care of her and do everything I would have wanted to do for him through her. Hindsight is always 2020 and I realize now that having my baby just for those reasons was abit toxic and could have been detrimental to my little Sunshine but I was insane back then, obsessed essentially and losing her was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me, it killed me, pieces of me died, I died with my baby and my relationship with Adam died with her too.

*******
“Dameron isn’t my real name, my mother named me Adam, I don’t like the name so I created Dameron, he is everything I’d want to be, Dameron is confident, he has it all, the charisma, the looks, the groove, he is safe, Dameron was able to talk to you, where as Adam is everything Dameron is not, without Dameron, we wouldn’t be here today, I love you Lorry, all of Me, Dameron and Adam and the other 23 people that live in my head, we love you Lorraine”…

Adam is his real name, he isnt coloured either, he is just another entitled, misogynistic, egotistical, crazy Zulu man. I met him 5 years ago, when I first met him he was picture perfect, I just didnt notice at first that the frame was abit scew. Let me start from the beginning, I was mesmerized when I first met him, sure, he is a gorgeous man, what I failed to mention was that, just like the beautiful suits and crisp white shirts, it was all a facade.
“Ladies, you’re back again, still havent found anything better?” Caroline is abit forward so she springs into action and says “we’re still looking but today we came here to check on you.” “Where is my ice cream? You ladies bought Ice cream and didnt think of me? How?” I roll my eyes and he looks at me and says “you look very nice today Lorry. Look, I found the phone Carry wants but it’s in another branch, I’ll get it transferred here if you guys want it, take my number and contact me after you’ve come to a decision about what you want to do” Caroline pulls out her contraption and attempts to dial his number on it and Dame pulls a face, and says “woah, what the hell is that?” A laugh escapes his mouth and continues “does that thing even tell the correct time?” Caroline blushes with embarrassment and says it does but Dame’s demeanor shuts her up for the rest of the afternoon, it’s clear that she really likes him but he is far from interested. “Lorry, where is your phone? Maybe we can communicate and you let me know what your mom says about the purchase… have you taken a look at yourself in the mirror today? Come through, follow me.” He grabs my hands and leads me to this big mirror in the middle of the shop, he tells me to stand in front of it and says “damn woman, you’re gorgeous”. I’m wearing a light beige loose fit shirt, a pair of tight fitting blue jeans, they accentuate my big ass and craveses my thick hips, kissing my thighs and highlighting my legs, I’m a big girl, chocolate complexion, curves, humps and bumps in all the right places. I’m just beautiful okay, let’s move on. The flirt then placed his hands on my figure and says “you’re so beautiful man”. I should’ve run the day he said that, thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes.

Noms❤