Lorraine…

LORRY!! LORRY!! The screams get louder and lounder, I ignored it the first time, I’ll ignoring it again, attribute it to the ever-so-demonized wireless earphones that have saved my life more times than I care to admit.

I try to refocus on the crush I’m now fixated on, I’ve just awkwardly responded with the worst emoji, essentially killing whatever interest he might have garnered for me by my subtle advances, trying to figure out what to do next, I start recording a voice note, uh uhmm, I clear my throat and I pinch my vocal cords to adjust my voice to the highest pitch I can muster; “uhm, excuse me, I ramble, I know that I ramble especially when I’m… “. “Lorraine, I’ve been calling you, why are not replying, how many times have I told you about these ear things of yours, you dont listen, you never do! You people dont appreciate the hardwork I do in this house, and no one seems to care… blah blah blah blah…” Gosh, I’ll never hear the end of this, I wonder what’s it now, I remove the set and I realise the screaming is still happening” I roll my eyes louder than the sigh of exhaustion I make and she hears me. FUCK. She screams LOUDER and I think, Mary, girlfriend of Joseph. I need to get out of here before I kill someone.

*******
The pharmaceutical industry is one of the most well thought out scams ever created in history, it is a system that depends on killing people while keeping them alive long enough to make them Trillions of dollars, they infect our water with waste and spills, pollute the air with fumes and industrialization, all in the name of civilization and human development, a better tomorrow, a brighter future, bullshit. They contaminate our food with artificial fertilizers, pesticides and growth hormones all in the name of better nutrition, food security, better quality of the vitamins we so desperately need, again, utter shit. I’m thinking all of this sober minded, downing another 8 colorful prescribed meds. “You’re gonna need these for the rest of your life, they make you better, take the pain away, your life will be go back to normal. You’ll see” these words ring loud in my head, it’s my physician, I have recently been diagnosed with a rare chronic joint disease, knowing this shattered me, it means for the rest of my damaged existence I’ll depend on these tablets to keep me functional and obedient, it’ll keep my pockets dry and it will force me to conform to the scam that is morden medicine and health care. Dont get me wrong, I’m not shitting on the health care system, I mean humanity has thrived in terms of population numbers, the decrease in death rates and increase in birth rates, it has made it possible for people to have safe deliveries and also introduced the best thing under the sun in my opinion, contraception, but there is just something off, something sinister, something we are all blinded to with this industry. I’ve once thought about why such industries need so much money? Why is it so important for them to have so much power? So much that they kill people, humanity, destroy families and lives? Why? Is it to keep this illusion alive? To keep the simulation running? What is in those meds? Why are we such a weak society, why is there soo much wrong? What the hell is going on here?… bloody hell, I always seem to forget that I cant voice those opinions or I’ll get canceled, so, I just wear my biggest smile, be grateful and say ” atleast this way It’s better than being wheelchair bound for the rest of my days”. Consolation? No one makes it out alive, so we try anything to make our existence less miserable.

*******
I swear on God, this day just keep getting worse. My phone rings, it’s one of my best friends; “hey girl, have you checked the portal, have the marks been released?”, “uhmmm, no, I don’t know, the last time I checked was this morning and no, they hadnt been updated, I dont know TF is happening with school man and its driving everyone insane, myself included”. We continue the conversation and end it.
It’s been a long 5 years, between my crazy, vile, vicious Ex boyfriend, to my academics, Covid, lung infection, sciatica, the chronic illness, family, depression, Sunshine, adulting and every other stupid painful thing I have been scripted to go through. I’m fucking exhausted, everything is exhausting. Exhaustion. But, I’m finally over him, the gaslighting, manipulation, abuse and violence, its finally a chapter I can close, I can move on, I’m free.

My phone buzzes again, I think its him… it’s not. It’s another guy, we been tryna make something work, I mean the attraction is there, he is tall, dark and handsome. His chocolate skin towers over my voluptuous frame, he has big piercing red eyes from years of stress, drugs and booze, this life does that. But theres something about his eyes, a story, something telling and you can just see the struggle, the pain, masked. I’ve had to learn that, how to read people, deciphering what to take caution of, what is genuine and what is dangerous, the skill has elevated my anxiety tenfold, my paranoia has skyrocketed, but I’d rather deal with myself than the danger that lurks in this planet, the earth is bleeding pain, evil and crookedness but who am I to try and change that, all I can do is protect myself the best way I know how. Anyway, I look at the text “we need to talk, let’s talk tomorrow” bloody hell! This year is off to a horrible start, NYE was boring as fuck, the house was up in flames with arguments, fights, unnecessary tantrums and screaming. Blew my trading account, so no more income, my room still smells like a tavern because someone puked all over the floor after a drunken binge, mind you, I dont drink but I’m forced to tolerate shit cause I’m a good person, apparently, I still owe tuition so I wont get my results and now, my almost boyfriend is essentially breaking up with me and the relationship wasnt even real or at least hadnt begun…

My Ex’s bestfriend texts me… “Hey Beautiful, how have you been? Long time”….