A happy happy happy New Year Perceptionists đź’™ I hope everyone is doing okay in this new year, yall are all happy and healthy, that you had a safe entry to the new year and are ready to take 2023 by storm.
So, I know last year I posted from a very emotional place and said I’ve never post again and to be quite honest, I was dead set on never posting again, but recently a friend of mine told me just how talented I am with words so I though I could write again, and I did.
I hope you guys will enjoy Lorraine, its abit different to what I have posted before, it’s not a storytime or a poem. I dont know what to describe it as. Please do let me know what you think about it, and as always, enjoy the read.
Lorraine
They say the truth is always stranger than fiction. I know that’s true because I live my truth daily but mostly I immerse myself in Science fiction, fantasy and dramatized true crime, where the truth is distorted and reality is bearable because for once, it’s not happening to me.
Hi, my name is Lorraine, I think I’m a borderline, dissociative schizophrenic with a narcissistic God complex. The past 5 years of my insignificant existence has been, well, interesting to say the most, and insanely fucked up at worst; but its too early to get into that for now. Today the cosmos were perfectly aligned to fuck me over or the Gods of the universe created my specific today to go Murphy’s law catastrophically horrible to meet an unforeseen end in the sky. Before I start ranting about deities and sky people, that’s definitely a conversation for another lifetime.
Everyone calls me Lorry, I’m sickly but not frail, sometimes I depend on people around me to help me out and sometimes I sit and weep bitterly, thinking why, out of all endless possibilities in the universe and beyond, why would I be dealt these cards? why this person? why am I who I am? why was this life chosen specifically for me? why this part of the world, this time in existence history and beyond? why this family, personality, view on things, experiences, emotions, this name, this being?. You have got to have thought about that before, at least once in your lifetime, the “Why” question. I mean, whatever you believe in, whether it’s a God or the universe, or if it’s a simulation and we have all been strategically placed, pawns, we have been made, meticulously so to fit into this space, this world, this creation and we have been given these carefully planned out characters, predetermined scripts and we have been puppeted by the higher ups who control this whole existence. We have been strategically placed for a reason, and the reason lies in the question “why?” One, we have been told over and over again, will be answered at death’s door, the strange thing that makes me think that all of this is a conspiracy, is that, no one ever reports back from death, yet billions bet their entire lives against a belief that an afterlife exists. I’ve always thought that this was a fad, a glimmer of hope given to us to consume, to illusion us into thinking that there’s an escape, a better existence, one of peace and extravagance, a holy 1000 years, something great, something beyond revelations.
Why? You ask yourself, why do I devote so much time thinking about such far fetched theories? Why must I depress myself, it will only perpetuate my self diagnosed mental issues. I just cant help myself, I always find myself in these thoughts after I self medicate, crush all of my hopes, dreams and aspirations into a carefully cut and sectioned piece of paper, and burn it to the stake forgetting all my worries and drifting into a world where, the air feels different, lighter and breathable, the music has alittle more meaning and the beats touch every atom of my being, where the cricket somewhere in the grass sounds a little louder but more chirpy, living it’s own little simulated existence, where the birds sing their tune and the bees buzz about dropping microparticles of the essence of beautiful flowers, pollinating their surroundings, ensuring our existence, our all important, incredible vast existence. While I zone out contemplating the true meaning of existence, my cellphone buzzes, it’s a WhatsApp message, it’s from this guy I’ve been crushing on… “Ehy yow, you’re smart and ur not rambling on I like to learn.” And I blush, I think about how I’m gonna reply, I want to sound as intelligent as I can cause he seems the type to like a smart woman, one that can think and defend her opinions, problem is, he has a girlfriend, so I dont want to overstep and seem disrespectful to that fact, like “argh, I dont care if he has his, I’m here to destroy and replace” its abit cringe and I’m not that girl. So I play it cool and I send the eekiest emoji for that context and I can tell that I have committed social suicide and there’s no coming back from this.
“LORRY! LORRY!”… argh, here we go again, cant I get a moment of peace in this place.
Nomsđź’™
please dont forget to like, follow the page and please, please, please give me feedback💙💙💙
Perception 