Hey perceptionists. I know it’s been a while but I’m back abit but I dont have great news, this will be the last blog under our little cozy home of PERCEPTIONđź’™.
So, I have a 2 year old spiritual angel, she passed away in utero and her name is Siphosethu, I dont have alot I want to say but it’s with this post that I want to express my sincere gratefulness and appreciation for all the support you have given me, all the likes, the comments, the messages, all the shares and all the love. In the words of the amazing Ricky Rick, this land is my home. I will come back a better man.
Sunshine
To the love of my life, my little peanut, my sunshine.
I know I never got to hold you or kiss you but I know without a shadow of a doubt, I miss you and I love you, the distance between me, you and eternity is too great and the pain I feel is eternal and internal. I dont know how to dispel it or convert it or use, or dispose of it. It just keeps festering and building and multiplying and its explosive, sometimes I cant stand babies, pregnancies and life in general.
I wanted to raise you, praise you, teach you, love you, understand you, talk to you, feed you, clothe you, bathe you. But you left me, till this very day I dont know what took you my love and that will forever kill me inside, I dont know what I did wrong or how to fix it to get you back, I failed in every way possible and I let night fall on you my love and I dont know how many sorries I need to say or how loud I need to scream, shout, climb which mountain, I dont know what kind of tears I need to cry or the kind of prayer I need to pray or which bible verse I need to read. I dont know where i need to go, say what to whom, where or how to express just how sorry I am for being careless with you.
Everytime I think of you, piece of me drowns with the sorrow for your passing. The pain of remembering you makes me hate every breath I take that doesn’t worship your memory. Every obstacle, every hardship, every profanity doesnt amount to the hate this here heart holds for the womb that chose to detach from you. I hate the universe for ripping you away from me but I thank the God of our ancestors for keeping you an angel for me, he loved me and you enough to pluck you from this vile existence to plant you to blossom in our imaginated opinion of heaven, bless him.
I dont want to say I love you because that does not even begin to paint a mona lisa of how I really feel about you, there arent enough words, languages, present today or lost in history that could fill all the oceans of this universe to illustrate what my heart, in it’s small capacity, feels about you.
Words run dry when I think of you and no amount of tears can replenish the flow of my emotions towards you, language fails me. If you, my little cupcake, were here, I’d have a reason to fight another day, to push, to work, to sweat, to hold on, to press on, to keep going on, to soldier on but you are where I need to be, with you, mothering you, loving you. I can only imagine how beautiful you are, sun rays try to compete with that image but nothing ever seen with mortal eyes surpasses the picasso I paint you to be in my mind. My little love. My heart. My Sunshine.
Nomsđź’™
Perception 